June 10, 2010
A first draft of the Young Writer of the Year ‘Silver’ story. Initial comments from teacher. Please add your feedback below to help Kate develop her story further.
I could feel cool fabric pressing into my pale legs as I pushed my weight to the floor. A sharp metallic stench travelled up my nostrils making me cringe. Outside my rotting [U1] paper thin walls the wind howled at my pain. Squeezing my eye lids shut, I couldn’t bare to face it. The thunder of my panicked heart echoed in my head, threatening to explode. Tears trickled down my cheeks and into my gasping mouth. I licked the salty trail of my quivering lip. It was so cold…so cold.[U2] Read the rest of this entry »
June 10, 2010
A first draft of the Young Writer of the Year ‘Silver’ story. Initial comments from teacher. Please add your feedback below to help Todd develop his story further.
Steam rises from the shifting lake as the leaves fall and sink into the darkness of the rippling [U1] waters.
The sketch of a reflection petrifies the lake’s inhabitants as the shadow encloses over the spread of green and blue. The girl from the trees kneels down as the clouds above her crawl over the top of the trees; they dance and tumble as the wind blows. [U2] The night was threatening the day as the girl peered into the heavens. A single raindrop fell through the canopy and beat down on her soft skin like a drum. The excess splash fell into the water and wrinkled its appearance. She opens her mouth and lets the rain dive down into her, tasting the sweet, cold feeling in her throat and across her tongue. Every drop was like candy. The downpour became heavier, gaining tempo and now reaching a louder sound. The penetrating noise was all that the girl could hear. She stands up and gazes across her kingdom, hands across her arms to keep warm. Read the rest of this entry »